The Twelve Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A Pacific Ocean and a Large Footprint.
On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two Madeleine Albrights,
A Pacific Ocean and a Large Footprint.
On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three French hens, Oops, Carla brunis
Two Madeleine Albrights,
A Pacific Ocean and a Large Footprint.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four call girls' mobile number in Pune
Three French hens, Oops, Carla brunis
Two Madeleine Albrights,
A Pacific Ocean and a Large Footprint.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five Golden Parachutes,
Four call girls' mobile number in Pune
Three French hens, Oops, Carla brunis
Two Madeleine Albrights,
A Pacific Ocean and a Large Footprint.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six GOP candidates a-lying,
Five Golden Parachutes,
Four call girls' mobile number in Pune
Three French hens, Oops, Carla brunis
Two Madeleine Albrights,
A Pacific Ocean and a Large Footprint.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven hamsters, Oops, scamsters a-scamming,
Six GOP candidates a-lying,
Five Golden Parachutes,
Four call girls' mobile number in Pune
Three French hens, Oops, Carla brunis
Two Madeleine Albrights,
A Pacific Ocean and a Large Footprint.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight billionaires a-bilking,
Seven hamsters, Oops, scamsters a-scamming,
Six GOP candidates a-lying,
Five Golden Parachutes,
Four call girls' mobile number in Pune
Three French hens, Oops, Carla brunis
Two Madeleine Albrights,
A Pacific Ocean and a Large Footprint.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine jihadis jouncing,
Eight billionaires a-bilking,
Seven hamsters, Oops, scamsters a-scamming,
Six GOP candidates a-lying,
Five Golden Parachutes,
Four call girls' mobile number in Pune
Three French hens, Oops, Carla brunis
Two Madeleine Albrights,
A Pacific Ocean and a Large Footprint.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine jihadis jouncing,
Eight billionaires a-bilking,
Seven hamsters, Oops, scamsters a-scamming,
Six GOP candidates a-lying,
Five Golden Parachutes,
Four call girls' mobile number in Pune
Three French hens, Oops, Carla brunis
Two Madeleine Albrights,
A Pacific Ocean and a Large Footprint.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven pimps a-pimping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine jihadis jouncing,
Eight billionaires a-bilking,
Seven hamsters, Oops, scamsters a-scamming,
Six GOP candidates a-lying,
Five Golden Parachutes,
Four call girls mobile number in Pune
Three French hens, Oops, Carla brunis
Two Madeleine Albrights,
A Pacific Ocean and a Large Footprint.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve dumbs a-dumping,
Eleven pimps a-pimping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine jihadis jouncing,
Eight billionaires a-bilking,
Seven hamsters, Oops, scamsters a-scamming,
Six GOP candidates a-lying,
Five Golden Parachutes,
Four call girls mobile number in Pune
Three French hens, Oops, Carla brunis
Two Madeleine Albrights,
A Pacific Ocean and a Large Footprint.
Merry Christmas, Boys and Girls. Be good. Not that Iranian, Oops, Eye-Rackian, mad-man of the Gulf, Saddam Hussein, good and ready (to receive, gift from American Heaven, The Desert Storm), you stupid. Baa-Baa-Black-Sheep-rack Hussein (Obama) good.
...and I am Santa Claus, Oops, Sid Harth@mysistermarilynmonroe.net
What are some good christmas song spoof?like for ex.you sing the tune 12 days of christmas
and here are a little bit of the lyrics
on the first day of christmas i saw what i could eat,a cookie shaped like a treee,
o the second day of christmas ,i saw what i could eat ,2 gummie worms and a cookie shaped like a tree .if you can send me a link to the song spoof
sry if there are some typos Best Answer - Chosen by AskerJingle Bells, Batman Smells
From: A Very Vegas ChristmasJingle Bells
Batman Smells
Robin Laid an Egg
The Batmobile Lost a Wheel
And Joker got awayJingle Bells
Batman Smells
Robin Laid an Egg
The Batmobile Lost a Wheel
And Joker got away
this one you sing to the tune of winter wonderland
Lacy things, the wife is missin'
Didn't ask, her permission
I'm wearin' her clothes
Her silk pantyhose
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear
In the store, there's a teddy
Little straps, like spaghetti
It holds me so tight
Like handcuffs at night
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear
In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown
He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say, "Whoa Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"
Later on, if you wanna
We can dress, like Madonna
Put on some eyeshade
And join the parade
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear
Lacy things- missin'
Didn't ask- permission
Wearin' her clothes
Silk pantyhose
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear - Asker's Rating:

- Asker's Comment:
- hahahahahahahaahahahah thats sooo funny. there were some other good ones but i liked this one the most
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Keeping the blogosphere posted on the goings on of the world of submarines since late 2004... and mocking and belittling general foolishness wherever it may be found. Idaho's first and foremost submarine blog. (If you don't like something on this blog, please E-mail me; don't call me at home.) Saturday, December 15, 2007MAD Christmas Carols
A couple years back, I wrote a post about some funny parodies of Christmas carols that had appeared in MAD Magazine back in the 70s that have been cluttering my brain. Every December, my referrers log fills up with people doing Google Searches on these songs. I had written down the lyrics in that post to a couple of the more popular songs I remembered ("Sam and Roz Are Coming To Town" and "It Hangs Down From Our Chandelier"), and linked to some others I found. Some of those links are dead now, so I figured I should put the lyrics to some other songs down here for posterity.
"Wrap Your Gift" (found here):
(to the tune of "Deck the Halls")
Wrap your gifts with fingers agile, Fa la la...
Seal it up and mark it "fragile", Fa la la...
There's no reason to feel nervous, Fa la la, la la la...
You can trust the postal service, Fa la la...
Hear the postal worker singing, Fa la la...
As your parcel he is flinging, Fa la la...
See it crumple in the bin there, Fa la la, la la la...
Aren't you sorry you walked in there, Fa la la...
See your parcel speed to Philly, Fa la la...
Through the air to cousin Billy, Fa la la...
It will end up in Savanah, Fa la la, la la la...
Via Nome and Butte, Montana, Fa la la... We Three Clods From Omaha Are:
We three clods from Omaha are
Spending Christmas Eve in a car
Driving, drinking,
Glasses clinking,
Who needs a lousy bar?
Ohh...
Drink to Charlie. Drink to Paul
Drink to friends we can't recall
Swerving, speeding
Signs unheeding
Drink to anything at all
We three clods are feeling no pain
Drunk as skunks with booze on the brain
Senses losing
'Til we're cruising
Into a wrong way lane
Ohh...
Drink to Melvin. Drink to Fred
Drink to those two trucks ahead
Headlights flashing
Screeching, crashing
Drink till they pronounce us dead Oh Little Bank Americard (found here, along with other funny Christmas lyrics) :
Oh, little Bank Americard
You bring me Christmas Cheer
Without your clout
I have no doubt
No gifts I'd give this year.
Your credit line allows me
To run up bills quite large
And when I'm through
Exhausting you
I'll use my Master Charge.
(Same tune, sung in late February)
Oh, little Bank Americard
You bring me discontent
I calculate
Your int'rest rate
Is over (twelve) percent.
Each month, your cry for payments
My letter-box bombards;
I'm one more sap
Caught in your trap
Next year I'll just send cards. I'm not sure about the interest rate number in this version being the same as in the original MAD Magazine article; the version I copied said "eighteen", but I'm pretty sure I remember it was a one syllable word.
Update 1255 15 Dec: After I posted, I did some more searching, and found that someone actually posted a scan of the entire article ( here, here, and here) from the January 1977 issue, along with other MAD Magazine parodies. It turns out my memories were pretty accurate, but I did forget a couple songs, including "Out There On The Sidewalk" (to the tune of "Away In A Manger"):
Out there on the sidewalk a Santa Claus stands,
Beside a fake chimney, a bell in his hands;
A second one's smoking a smelly cigar;
A third one is picking his teeth in a bar;
A fourth Santa's trying to pick up a blonde;
A fifth one is drunk in the gutter beyond;
A sixth one is part of a window display;
The seventh and eighth ones appear to be gay;
They're fat and they're skinny, They're short and they're tall;
And none of them look like the real one at all;
With so many Santas it's tough to keep score --
Small wonder that kids don't believe any-more. posted by Bubblehead at 12:35 PM
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Spoof Christmas Carols Lyrics needed Rate Topic:      
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 Posted 12 December 2004 - 12:29 AM
 Hi,
I'm looking for spoof lyrics for any Christmas Song but especially for We Wish you a Merry Christmas eg. We wish yiou a merry wanna.Thanks.
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Posted 19 December 2004 - 06:18 PM
We Wish You a Merry ChristmasWe wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Good tidings we bring to you and your kin;
Good tidings for Christmas and a Happy New Year.Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer
We won't go until we get some;
We won't go until we get some;
We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here
We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
 God said, "Let Tesla be", and all was light. <br> visit: My Webpage0
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Posted 19 December 2004 - 11:43 PM
Those are the actual lyrics to the song, aren't they? He wants joke lyrics kind of like this:(Sung to the music of Jingle bells)Dashing through the snow
On a pair of broken skis
Over the hills we go
Crashing into trees!
Ow!Ow!Ow!
The snow is turning red
I think I'm nearly dead
All I want for Christmas is a polyester head!
Oh jingle bells
Batman smells
Robin layed an egg
Batmobile lost a wheel
and Joker learned ballet!
(Sung to the music of Jingle bells)
Dashing through the snow in my rusty Chevrolet.
Down the road I go, sliding all the way.
I need new piston rings. I need some new snow tires.
My car is held together by a piece of chicken wire!
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!
I went to IGA to get some Christmas cheer.
I just passed up my left front tire and it's gettin' hard to steer.
Speeding down the highway, right past the county cops.
I have to drag my swampers just to get the car to stop.
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!
Bouncing through the snowdrifts in a big, blue cloud of smoke.
People laugh as I drive by; I wonder what's the joke!
I have to get to Wal-Mart to pick up my layaway,
Cause Santa's comin' soon in his big, old, rusty sleigh!
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusttttttttty Chevroooooooleeeeeet
(Sung to the tune Deck The Halls)
Deck the malls this Christmas season,
fa la la la la, la la la la
Blow your cash for no good reason,
fa la la la la, la la la la
Push your charge card to it's limit
fa la la, la la la, la la la
Your check book now has nothing in it.
fa la la la la, la la la la.
The last two songs I found on Google, pretty much everyone knows the first one. 0 
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Posted 19 December 2004 - 11:59 PM
Hi Amphere,  That's the kinda thing I was searchin for. Thx !Maybe I shoudda used the word "parody" instead of "spoof"...I'm getting quite a good collection off the web now as I'm a humourist who is just soooo tired that SHE(!!!) can't be bothered to write her own.

Happy Holidays, guys!
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Posted 20 December 2004 - 12:17 AM
And another civilian is happy with my services. Hmm, maybe I should wear some underwear over my pants and go around shouting, "Never fear, Amphere is here!"But you're welcome and enjoy your Christmas holidays.  0
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0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users Parody Christmas carolsBetween reader responses, and visiting a few interesting web sights, I've
compiled some interesting songs for Christmas!
I'll Be Cloned For Christmas
(to the tune of "I'll be Home for Christmas")
by D M Goldstein, 1988
I'll be Cloned for Christmas,
there'll be three of me;
One to Work, and One to Shop,
and One just for Partys.
Christmas Eve, I'm certain,
I won't be alone;
I'll be home for Christmas,
or else I'll send a Clone!
Jingle Bells, The Yorkie version
by Isabel M. Gordon and the Brindleton BoxerKids to the tune of "Jingle
Bells")
Stomping thru the snow,
Just me and my Yorkie.
Over the fields we go,
Just so she will pee.
Darkness all around,
We know she won't obey.
Her nose is anchored to the ground
Sniffing all the way. Hey!
Midnight Run
Where's the sun?
Can't we make this quick?
When I think we're almost done
She finds something to lick. Ick!
Midnight Run
Ain't this fun?
The snow is glistening bright.
When she turns around and looks at me
Her beard is full of white.
I can't suppress a yawn
When she finally picks a spot.
On my neighbor's lawn
She turns and takes a squat.
She's not quite done it's clear,
Impatience makes me sigh
When I see my Yorkie disappear
in a snow drift two feet high.
The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen
(to God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)
The restroom door said Gentlemen
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized
I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices turned and found
The place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies, and a nurse
What could be worse?
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.
The restroom door said Gentlemen
It must have been a gag
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag
She sprayed me with a can of mace
And snapped me with her bag.
I could tell this just wouldn't be my day
What can I say?
It just wasn't turning out to be my day.
The restroom door said Gentlemen
And I would like to find
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign
Cause I've got two black eyes
And one high heel up my behind
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy
Boy, oh, boy
No, I'll never sit with comfort and joy.
Happily Addicted to the Web
Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland"
Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
>From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
I'm happy--although
My boss let me go--
Happily addicted to the Web.
All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There's beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web.
Friends come by; they shake me,
Saying, "Yo, man!
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man;
I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"
I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I'm happily addicted to the Web!
How Santa Knows IF you've Been Good
(Tune: Santa Claus is Coming to Town)
You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why,
Santa Claus is tapping, Your phone.
He's buggin your room,
He's reding your mail,
He's keeping a file
And runnin a tail
Santa Claus is tapping Your phone
He hears you in the bedroom
Surveills you out of doors
And if that doesn't get the goods
Then he'll use provocateurs.
So you mustn't assume
That you are secure
On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door
Santa Claus is tapping Your phone
Politically Correct "Deck the Halls"
[from Bill's Punch Line]
Deck the halls with boughs of non-endangered plant species
Fa la la la la, la la la la
'Tis the season to be self-actualizing,
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Don we now our alternate-lifestyle apparel
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Toll the ancient non-denominational-winter-solstice-holiday carol
Fa la la la la, la la la la
See the blazing log of
non-denominational-winter-solstice-holiday-non-endangered wood before us,
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Play the harp without unnecessary brutality and join the chorus
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Sing we emotionally stable in a collective group effort,
Fa la la la la la la la la
Heedless of the weather patterns despite the effects of global warming,
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Fast away the mature year passes
Fa la la la la la la la la
Hail the new year without any implicit ageism, ye persons
Fa la la la la la la la la
Dance in a non-hierarchical manner in merry measure,
Fa la la la la la la la la
While I tell of non-materialistic,
non-denominational-winter-solstice-holiday treasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Tom the Toad
[from Tonya, on Rehu]
Tom the Toad
(Sung to the tune of "Oh Tannenbaum")
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
You were my friend, and now you're dead,
You bear the marks of tire tread.
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
You did not see yon passing car,
And now you're stretched out on the tar.
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
You hopped out to the yellow line,
And turned into a streak of slime.
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
It's clear to all you're in a rut,
We all did see your gushing gut.
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
There was a loud and awful crash,
For poor old Tom had just got smashed
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Your skin was green, Your blood was red,
Your eyes now hang, Just by a thread!
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Philip Brunelle published a Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer translated into
Latin: very amusing for the amply educated amongst your singers. Though not
set to well-known tunes, I like "Monotone Angel" (don't have the composer
handy, sorry!) and "The Twelve Days After Christmas" by Frederick Silver.
12 Days AFTER Christmas
PDQ Bach O Little Town of Hackensak/Good King Kong/Throw the Yule Log On
Fa-La-La-La- an excellent medley of carols mixed with classics that everyone
knows.
HH
I have performed a piece called "The twelve Dogs of Christmas" - a
re-arrangement of the the Twelve Days - which was fun, if slightly cheesy.
We took out a few verses, might have been a bit long otherwise. I think
Jerry Estes did the arrangement.
12 DAYS AFTER CHRISTMAS
Don't know where to direct you, but you need to find the Christmas carols
from the "Pogo" comic strip by the late Walt Kelly. When I was a kid, these
were well known among the irreverent younger generation. Sample lyric:
Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., and Kalamazoo.
Nora's freezing on the trolley,
Swaller dollar callerflower, alleygaroo.
Not sure if it was from "Pogo," but I also remember:
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle near and far,
Oh what fun it is to ride in a heated trolley car!
Whatever you decide to do, it'll be funnier if you perform it with straight
faces, acting as if this were serious music seriously presented.
Have fun!
Nick Jones
Atlanta Symphony Orchestra
Hi, Jeremy..... Paul Sinasohn here
I'm going to jump in because I consider myself to be the resident expert on
Xmas songs here on Choralist - even if no one else considers me so :-)
Qualifications: a morbid (?) fascination with Xmas carols and songs that has
led me to acquire over 500 Xmas LPs, CDs, and cassettes ranging from the Six
Million Dollar Man Xmas LP to the In Dulci Jubilo collection (26 versions on
1 CD). with everything in between.
Special hint to teachers: If you can find a copy of the Terry Bradshaw Xmas
CD (yes, the quarterback/commentator) play it for your students as the
perfect example of how NOT to sing. He makes every mistake possible!!!!
First, Jeremy, don't forget to consider the PDQ Bach trio of carols.
Second, Run, do not walk, to your local used record store and get all 3 of
Bob Rivers Christmas comedy/parody albums. Here are the lyrics to one song,
though you may not want to use it in school or church...it is offered as an
example of what is out in the pop world. And yes, I do have the X-rated Xmas
CD with all the porno lyrics. I don't listen to it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
And Lambert, Hendricks and Ross did "Deck us all with Boston Charlie"
DECK US ALL
(Walt Kelley)
Deck us all with Boston Charlie
Walla Walla, Wash., and Kalamazoo
Nora's freezing on the trolley
Swaller dollar cauliflower, alley-garoo!
Don't we know archaic barrel
Lullabye Lilly boy, Louisville Lou
Trolley Molly don't love Harold
Boola-boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!
(Alternate version)
Bark us all bow-wows of folly
Polly wolly cracker and too-da-loo
Hunky Dory's pop is lolly
Gaggin' on the wagon Willy folly go thru
Donkey bonny brays a carol
Antelope cantaloupe, 'lope with you
Chollie's collie barks at barrow
Barum scarum five-alarum bungaloo
Here's one from the Mudcat Cafe/Digital Traditions database
---------------------------------------------------------------
OH, CON ALL THE FAITHFUL
(Christopher Hershey)
Oh, con all the faithful, appeal to their religion
Buy a plastic manger scene and set it up in the front yard
Twelve lifelike figures set the tone
In lifelike painted styrofoam
Provided with appropriate tape-recorded bible verses
Oh how we do abhor it, wherever shall we store it?
But we paid plenty for it, besides, it's the biggest on the block
Oh, con all the faithful, appeal to their tradition
Send Christmas cards to everyone you've known for the last twenty years
And God forbid if you are missed
By someone who is on your list
It's not the thought that counts but just the thought of counting them
Don't friends deserve much better? So why not send a letter?
The rest you can forget, sir, it's only wasting trees
---------------------------------------------------------
I mentioned Bob Rivers; here is one of his:
---------------------------------------------------------------
WALKIN' ROUND IN WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR
(Bob Rivers)
Lacy things -- the wife is missin',
Didn't ask -- her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
In the store -- there's a teddy,
Little straps -- like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress -- like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!
Lacy things... missin',
Didn't ask... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!
Again, from Mudcat/Digital Traditions, 2 12 days parodies
----------------------------------------------------------------------
First, Alan Sherman:
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (PARODY)
(Alan Sherman)
On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A Japanese transistor radio.
On the second day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Green polka dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(It's a Nakashuma.)
On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(It's the Mark IV model. That's the one that's discontinued.)
On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(And it comes in a Leatherette case with holes in it. So you could listen
right
through the case.)
On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A statue of a lady with a clock where her stomach ought to be,
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(And it has a wire with a thing on one end that you could stick in your ear,
an
d a thing on the other end that you can't stick anywhere because it's bent.)
On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A hammered aluminum nutcracker,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
[Continue until . . . ]
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
Although it may seem strange;
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
I'm going to exchange:
An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television but
not w
hen you get it home,
A chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter,
A pair of teakwood shower clogs,
An indoor plastic birdbath,
A pink satin pillow that says ``San Diego'' with fringe all around it,
A hammered aluminum nutcracker,
A statue of a lady with a clock where her stomach ought to be,
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
NEXT, the Silicon Valley version
THE TWELVE BUGS OF CHRISTMAS
For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me:
"See if they can do it again."
For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me:
"Ask them how they did it, and
see if they can do it again."
(similarly)
Tell them it's a feature,
say it's not supported
change the documentation
blame it on the hardware
find a way around it
say they need an upgrade
reinstall the software
ask for a dump!
run with the debugger
try to reproduce it
ask them how they did it, and
see if they can do it again.
-------------------------------------------------------------\
Perhaps this was found in Minnesota????
LUTEFISK, O LUTEFISK
Lutefisk, O Lutefisk, how fragrant your aroma,
Lutefisk, O Lutefisk, you put me in a coma.
You smell so strong, you look like glue,
You taste just like an overshoe,
But lutefisk, come Saturday,
I tink I eat you anyvay
Lutefisk, O lutefisk, I put you in the doorvay.
I wanted you to ripen up just like they do in Norvay.
A dog came by and sprinkled you.
I hit him with my overshoe.
O lutefisk, now I suppose
I'll eat you while I hold my nose.
Lutefisk, O lutefisk, how well I do remember.
On Christmas Eve how we'd receive our big treat of December.
It wasn't turkey or fried ham.
It wasn't even pickled Spam.
My mother knew there was no risk
In serving buttered lutefisk.
Lutefisk, O lutefisk, now everyone discovers
That lutefisk and lefse make Norvegians better lovers.
Now all the world can have a ball.
You're better than that Geritol.
O lutefisk, with brennevin [Norwegian brandy]
You make me feel like Errol Flynn.
Lutefisk, O lutefisk, you have a special flavor.
Lutefisk, O lutefisk, all good Norvegians savor.
That slimy slab we know so well
Identified by ghastly smell.
Lutefisk, O lutefisk,
Our loyalty won't waver.
------------------------------------------------------
These are dated, but could be used in the context of a history lesson:
JINGLE BELLS (Vietnam)
Jingle Bells, mortar shells
VC in the grass
There'll be no merry Christmas tree
'Til these twelve months have passed.
DASHING THROUGH THE SKY
Dashing through the sky,
In a Foxtrot one-oh-five,
Through the flak we fly,
Trying to stay alive.
The SAMs destroy your calm,
The MiGs come up to play,
What fun it is to strafe and bomb,
The P.R.V. today!
Chorus: CBUs, Mark 82s, Seven-fifties, too,
Daddy Vulcan strikes again,
Our Christmas gift to you.
Head's up Ho Chi Minh,
The Fives are on their way,
Your luck it has give in,
There's going to be hell to pay.
Today it is our turn,
To make you gawk and stare,
What fun it is to watch things burn,
And blow up everywhere!
tune: Jingle Bells
"P.R.V.," People's Republic of Vietnam.
"Daddy Vulcan" refers to the aircraft's Vulcan cannon.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Another parody:
JINGLE BELLS (Australian)
cho: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Christmas in Australia on a scorching summer's day, Oh,
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut.
Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden ute.
Dashing through the bush in a rusty Holden ute.
Kicking up the dust, esky in the boot.
Kelpie by my side, singing Christmas songs,
It's summer time and I am in my singlet, shorts and thongs. Oh
Engine's getting hot, we dodge the kangaroo,
Swaggie climbs aboard, he is welcome too.
All the family's here, sitting by the pool,
Christmas day the Aussie way, by the barbecue. Oh
Come the afternoon, Grandpa has a doze,
The kids and Uncle Bruce are swimming in their clothes.
Time has come to go, we take a family snap,
And pack the car and all shoot through before the washing up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
You asked for parodies, here's a tasteless one....
THE OTHER CHRISTMAS SONG
(Joe Hickerson)
Christians roasting on an open fire
Lions nibbling at their toes
Pagan carols being sung by a choir
While Romans raffle off their clothes
Everybody knows when Nero plays his violin
All of Rome will be a-glow
One dead Jew, and an Arab or two
Hare Krishna, to you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
And perhaps the best parody, or at least the most pointed:
THE FIRST HARD SELL
(Christopher Hershey)
The first hard sell comes sometime in June
When last season's Christmas cards take too much room,
So they put them out in an off-season bin,
For in June they are getting their new shipments in.
cho: Hard sell, hard sell
Hard sell, hard sell
This is the Christmas we all know so well.
About midway in July the lay-away plans
Make their laying-away-in-a-manger demands,
And installment plans begin their attempt to entice
You end up paying twice the original price.
Then early in the fall there's a pre-season bluff
To sell gift wrappings, ribbons and other such stuff
Buy it now! the ads demand, if you don't buy it, you
Will discover we're out of it when you want to.
By the time October comes, every store's lined with snares
With Halowe'en, Christmas and Thanksgiving wares;
What once were festivals that were simple and plain
All have become mere excuses for capital gain
Jeremy,
One of my favorites is "Various Themes on 'Fa-La-La'" (Bridwell).
Best wishes and Happy Holidays from a fellow member of United
Methodist Church...
Let music live!
Sam.
Not traditional tune, but I remember hearing (years ago) a P.D. Q. Bach
carol "O Little Town of Hackensack."
Ken
Not a carol, but try singing the "Hallelujah Chorus" Elmer Fudd style.
All l's and r's are w's. Hysterical.
Jeremy Herrington
Director of Music Ministries
Anona United Methodist Church
jherrin3(a)tampabay.rr.com
http://www.anona.com/
List of A Christmas Carol adaptationsFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia A Christmas Carol is a novella by Charles Dickens. Since its first publication in 1843, it has been adapted many times: for theatre, film, television, radio, and opera.
[edit] AdaptationsThe novel was the subject of Dickens' first public reading, given in Birmingham Town Hall to the Industrial and Literary Institute on 27 December 1852. This was repeated three days later to an audience of 'working people', and was a great success by his own account and that of newspapers of the time. Over the years Dickens edited the piece down and adapted it for a listening, rather than reading, audience. Excerpts from 'A Christmas Carol' remained part of Dickens' public readings until his death.
[edit] TheatreThroughout the late nineteenth century, and into the early years of the twentieth, British actor Seymour Hicks toured England with his own non-musical adaptation of the story, in which he played Scrooge.
- A Christmas Carol (1974 to present), original musical-comedy stage adaptation written and directed by, and starring (as Scrooge) Ira David Wood III (father of Evan Rachel Wood and Ira David Wood IV), which has been performed for the last 39 years on stage at Raleigh's Memorial Auditorium. In 2008, the show added performances at the brand new Durham Performing Arts Center. Theatre In The Park, in Raleigh, North Carolina, has produced the show since its premiere. Wood's "A Christmas Carol" is the longest running indoor show in North Carolina theatre history.
- A Christmas Carol (1975 to present), a theatrical adaptation by Barbara Field produced by the Guthrie in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
- A Christmas Carol (1976 to present), a musical adaptation by Charles Jones performed annually at the Omaha Community Playhouse in Omaha, Nebraska as well as two touring companies with the Nebraska Theatre Caravan.
- A Christmas Carol (1977 to present), a theatrical adaptation performed annually at Theatre Memphis in Memphis, Tennessee.
- A Christmas Carol (1981), a musical adaptation which premiered in 1982 at the Hartman Theatre, Stamford, Connecticut. The show was workshopped as a tour in 1981, Ray Abraham as Scrooge, and Ossie Davis, June Havoc, and Rex Smith.
- A Christmas Carol (1988), is an original musical adaptation by Phillip Wm. McKinley which was written for The Chatham Players in Chatham, New Jersey. The ensemble production features Charles Dickens as narrator. In 2008, the production celebrated its 20th anniversary; actor Alan Semok has portrayed Scrooge in the Chatham with Richard Kiley as Scrooge. Book and lyrics by Sheldon Harnick, Music by Michel Legrand.
- A Christmas Carol (1983), a theatrical adaptation by Jeffrey Sanzel has been performed annually at Theatre Three in Port Jefferson, New York for 28 years. On December 10, 2011, Sanzel will reach 1000 performances as Scrooge.
- A Christmas Carol (1985), an adaptation by Bille Brown with music and staged by W. Stuart McDowell, was performed at the Symphony Space in New York City as a fundraiser for the Riverside Shakespeare Company, with narration by Helen Hayes, featuring Len Cariou as Scrooge, and MacIntyre Dixon, Celeste Holm, Raul Julia, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Harold Scott, Carole Shelley, and Fritz Weaver, and the children's choir of the Anglo-American School. This script was restaged the following year at the Marriott Theatre on Broadway, produced by McDowell and directed by Robert Small, narrated by Ms. Hayes, featuring F. Murproduction since 1994.
- The Gospel According to Scrooge (1982), A stage musical that began at Jesus People Church in Minneapolis, Minnesota in 1980 as a simple little production at a dinner theater. It grew into a broadway-style hit in 1981 as it debuted at the Historic State Theater. It was video recorded and made into a television special featuring actor Dean Jones as the host. The production emphasizes the religious elements of the story, and is still being performed by American churches.
- A Christmas Carol (1988), Patrick Stewart's one-man reading/acting of the story, made its first appearance in London and later on Broadway. On stage he would use a table, chair, stool, lectern and a book with an over-sized print cover to enact the entire story. The production has been revived in London and New York several times. It has also been released on compact disc.[1]
- The Scrooge Diary (Canada) (1990 to the present) (In the USA: Scrooge Tels All) Adaptation by Avril Kelly, performed by Welsh actor Phil Arnold, in a solo staged performance. Later performed on license only (two performances) by John Gray, late of RSC.
- Scrooge!: A Dickens of a One-Man Show (1991), a theatrical adaptation one person show written by and starring Kevin Norberg portraying all 40-plus characters in a solo performance.
- Scrooge: The Musical (1992), a British stage musical adapted from the 1970 film and starring Anthony Newley.
- A Christmas Carol: The Musical (1994), a Broadway musical adaptation with music by Alan Menken and lyrics by Lynn Ahrens, ran at The Theatre at Madison Square Garden, New York City yearly until 2003. Starring as "Scrooge" were Walter Charles (1994), Terrence Mann (1995), Tony Randall (1996), Hal Linden and Roddy McDowell (alternating) (1997), Roger Daltrey (1998), Tony Roberts (1999), Frank Langella (2000), Tim Curry (2001), F. Murray Abraham (2002) and Jim Dale (2003). The 2004 television version of the musical starred Kelsey Grammer as "Scrooge".
- A Christmas Carol (1996 to the present), a one-man show of the work performed by Gerald Charles Dickens, great-great-grandson of Charles Dickens, in which he plays 26 characters.
- A Christmas Carol (1997), a musical adaptation with music by Steve Parsons and book/lyrics by John Popa was performed from 1997–2000 at The Players Guild Theatre in Canton, Ohio and is scheduled to be remounted in December 2009. This version spawned two cast recordings, one featuring the original cast and a 10th anniversary recording in 2008.
- A Christmas Carol, written and performed by Greg Oliver Bodine, is a one-man stage adaptation enacted by Charles Dickens himself, and is based on a condensed version of the novel that he used while on the second of his historic reading tours of the United States. First performed in 2003.
- Steve Nallon's Christmas Carol (2003), theatrical adaptation starring impressionist Nallon, as a number of famous people.
- A Christmas Carol (2003), theatrical adaptation by Karen Louise Hebden produced by and performed at Derby Playhouse in 2003 and revived in 2006. On both occasions, Scrooge was played by Ben Roberts.
- A Christmas Carol: the musical (2005), musical adaptation by Stephen DeCesare. Follows 99% of the original book and has had over 300 performances around the world. It starred Carl DeSimone as Scrooge, Scott Morency as "Marley" and Kim Kalunian as "Belle" from the Academy Players in East Greenwich, Rhode Island.
- A Christmas Carol (2007), theatrical adaptation by Jacqueline Goldfinger produced by and performed at North Coast Repertory Theatre in San Diego. This adaptation has become North Coast Rep's annual Christmas show.
- A Christmas Carol adapted by Tom Haas, has been performed each year at the Indiana Repertory Theatre for more than 25 years. Set on a minimalist stage covered in snow, this adaptation features the characters narrating their own actions to the audience and intersperses carols and dance along with the visits of the ghosts.
- A Christmas Carol a new adaptation by Adam Graham, first performed on 6 December 2007 by Performing Arts Winchester, part of Winchester Student Union. A one hour version featuring all the major characters and well loved carols, it was performed twice a night for the holiday season.
- A Christmas Carol an adaptation by Ron Severdia, premiered on 6 December 2006 at the Barn Theatre in Ross, CA. In 2007, he toured Europe with a new adaptation of the show.[citation needed]
- A Christmas Carol (2003) a new stage adaptation by Scott Harrison which has been produced in both the UK and the US. Originally performed by The Dreaming Theatre Company in the Kirkgate Victorian street exhibition inside the York Castle Museum (the first ever company to perform inside this venue) it has also recently been performed across the United States by three separate theatre companies.
- Fellow Passengers (2004), a three-actor narrative theatre adaptation using nearly every word of the novel, first presented at Strawberry Theatre Workshop in Seattle.
- A Christmas Carol - (2006) a stage adaptation by Jeannette Jaquish for the Firehouse Theater in Fort Wayne, Indiana, was performed Decembers of 2006, 2007 & 2009, and is now found on the theaterfunscripts website.
- A Christmas Carol - As told by Jacob Marley (deceased) (2009/10); adapted and performed as a one-man show by James Hyland.
- A Christmas Carol a stage adaptation by Jason Carr and Bryony Lavery was written for the Chichester Youth Theatre and performed at The Chichester Festival Theatre during Christmas 2008. This adaptation was also performed by Birmingham Repertory Theatre for Christmas 2009.
- A Christmas Carol (2009) a stage adaptation written by Alexandria Haber and produced by Geordie Productions, premiering in December 2009 at the D.B. Clarke Theatre in Montreal, Quebec (Canada).
- A Christmas Carol (2010) a new stage adaptation written by Jim Cook, Jr. and produced by the Off Broad Street Players Theater Company in Bridgeton, New Jersey. Follows much of the original text of the novella with some character relationships explored. Premiered in November 2010.[2]
- A Christmas Carol (2010) a stage adaptation by The Pantaloons theatre company, touring England in Winter 2010.[3]
- A Christmas Carol (2010-present) a new stage adaptation by Preston Lane, produced by Triad Stage in Greensboro, North Carolina. Premiered November 2010, starring Gordon Joseph Weiss as Ebenezer Scrooge. [4]
- 3 Ghosts (2011) a steampunk inspired stage adaptation by PiPe DREAM Theatre, written by Collin Simon and Liz Muller. Premiered in December 2011 at the Beckett Theatre on Theatre Row. [5] [6]
- Scrooge; or, Marley's Ghost (1901), a short British film that is the earliest surviving screen adaptation.
- A Christmas Carol (1908), with Thomas Ricketts as Scrooge.
- A Christmas Carol (1910) is a 10-minute silent version of the film starring Marc McDermott as Scrooge and Charles Ogle as Cratchit.
- Scrooge (1913), starring Sir Seymour Hicks and retitled Old Scrooge for its U.S. release in 1926.
- A Christmas Carol (1914), with Charles Rock as Scrooge.
- The Right to Be Happy (1916), the first feature-length adaptation, directed by and starring Rupert Julian as Scrooge. Now presumed lost.
- A Christmas Carol (1923), produced in the UK and starring Russell Thorndike, Nina Vanna, Jack Denton, and Forbes Dawson.
- Scrooge (1935), a British movie, again starring Seymour Hicks as Scrooge, rather notorious for not showing most of the ghosts onscreen.[7]
- A Christmas Carol (1938), starring Reginald Owen as Scrooge and Gene Lockhart and Kathleen Lockhart as the Cratchits.
- Leyenda de Navidad (1947), a Spanish adaptation starring Jesús Tordesillas as Scrooge.
- Scrooge (1951), re-titled A Christmas Carol in the U.S., starring Alastair Sim as Scrooge and Mervyn Johns and Hermione Baddeley as the Cratchits.
- It's Never Too Late (1953), Italian adaptation of Dickens's novel, featuring Paolo Stoppa and Marcello Mastroianni.
- Scrooge (1970), a musical film adaptation starring Albert Finney as Scrooge and Alec Guinness as Marley's Ghost.
- A Christmas Carol (1971), an Oscar-winning animated short film by Richard Williams, with Alastair Sim reprising the role of Scrooge.
- Mickey's Christmas Carol (1983), an animated short film featuring the various Walt Disney characters (including characters from Wind in the Willows, Robin Hood and The Three Little Pigs), with Scrooge McDuck fittingly playing the role of Ebenezer Scrooge.
- The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992), featuring the various Muppet characters, with Michael Caine as Scrooge.
- A Christmas Carol (1994), an animated version produced by Jetlag Productions, written by Jack Olesker.
- A Christmas Carol (1997), an animated production featuring the voice of Tim Curry as Scrooge as well as the voices of Whoopi Goldberg, Michael York and Ed Asner.
- Christmas Carol: The Movie (2001), an animated version produced by Illuminated Films (Christmas Carol), Ltd/The Film Consortium/MBP; screenplay by Robert Llewellyn & Piet Kroon; with the voices of Simon Callow, Kate Winslet, and Nicolas Cage.
- A Christmas Carol (2004), an animated film with animals in the lead roles. Distributed by Genius Entertainment and produced by BKN International. ISBN 1594442657.
- A Christmas Carol (2006), a computer animated adaptation featuring anthropomorphic animals in the lead roles.
- A Christmas Carol (2009), a performance capture film directed by Robert Zemeckis, and starring Jim Carrey as Ebenezer Scrooge and the three ghosts, from Walt Disney Pictures and ImageMovers Digital. It was released in November 2009 in Disney Digital 3D.
[edit] Television- An early television adaptation was broadcast live by DuMont's New York station WABD on December 20, 1944.[8]
- A 1947 live television version starred John Carradine as Scrooge.
- A 1948 live television adaptation which aired on Philco Television Playhouse starred Dennis King as Scrooge.
- A 1949 30-minute filmed television adaptation, reportedly notorious among modern critics for its cheap special effects, starred Taylor Holmes as Scrooge with Vincent Price as the on-screen narrator.
- A British television version, with Bransby Williams as Scrooge, was televised in 1950.
- An adaptation of A Christmas Carol with Ralph Richardson as Scrooge was shown as a 30-minute filmed episode of NBC's Fireside Theatre in 1951.
- The story was dramatized twice, in 1952 and 1953, on Kraft Television Theatre (NBC).
- A Christmas Carol (1954), a filmed musical television adaptation starring Fredric March as Scrooge and Basil Rathbone as Marley was shown on the TV anthology Shower of Stars. The adaptation and lyrics were by Maxwell Anderson, the music by Bernard Herrmann. The first version in color, it apparently has survived only in black-and-white, though a color version may yet turn up. March received an Emmy Award nomination for his performance.
- The Stingiest Man In Town (1956), the second musical adaptation, starring Basil Rathbone and Vic Damone as, respectively, the old and young Scrooge. A live episode of the dramatic anthology series The Alcoa Hour.
None of the later versions were done live, but were either shot on videotape or filmed. They include:
- A 1958 filmed episode of the half-hour anthology series Tales from Dickens again featuring Rathbone as Scrooge, with Fredric March as narrator.
- Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol (1962), an animated musical television special in color featuring the UPA character voiced by Jim Backus, with songs by Jule Styne and Bob Merrill. Other voices were provided by such actors as Jack Cassidy (as Bob Cratchit). Shown annually by NBC for many years, this was the first animated Christmas special ever telecast (excluding marionette versions of The Night Before Christmas and the Nativity story).
- Mr. Scrooge, a 1962 CBC television musical adaptation, starring Cyril Ritchard (Peter Pan 's Captain Hook) as Scrooge, with Alfie Bass and Tessie O'Shea as Bob Cratchit and his wife.
- A Christmas Carol (1969), an animated television special directed by Zoran Janjic and produced by Australia's Air Programs and aired on CBS. It was the first in a series titled Famous Classic Tales and sponsored by Kenner.[9]
- A Christmas Carol (1977), an adaptation by the BBC with Sir Michael Hordern, who had played Marley's Ghost in two other versions, as Scrooge.[10]
- Rich Little's Christmas Carol (1978), an HBO television special in which impressionist Rich Little plays several celebrities and characters in the main roles.
- The Stingiest Man in Town (1978), an animated made-for-TV musical produced by Rankin-Bass. Stars Walter Matthau as the voice of Scrooge and Tom Bosley as the narrator. Scrooge was drawn to physically resemble Matthau. This had originally been done as a live-action musical on television in 1956.[11] This version, however, was not nearly as well received as the 1956 one.
- Bugs Bunny's Christmas Carol (1979), an animated television special featuring the various Looney Tunes characters, with the role of Scrooge going to Yosemite Sam.
- A Christmas Carol (1982), Australian made-for-television animated film from Burbank Films Australia.
- A Christmas Carol (1984), starring George C. Scott as Ebenezer Scrooge, David Warner and Susannah York as the Cratchits, with Edward Woodward as The Ghost Of Christmas Present. Scott (who had played Fagin two years previously) received an Emmy Award nomination for his performance. Clive Donner, who had been the film editor for the 1951 film Scrooge, directs.
- Brer Rabbit's Christmas Carol (1992), an animated television movie directed by Al Guest and starring the voice of Christopher Corey Smith as Brer Rabbit.
- A Christmas Carol (1999), a television movie directed by David Jones, starring Patrick Stewart as Ebenezer Scrooge. Produced by Turner Network Television, and shown by them annually. Inspired by Patrick Stewart's one-man stage adaptation of the story, but featuring a full supporting cast. This was the first version of the story to make use of digital special effects. Stewart was nominated for a Screen Actors Guild award for his performance.[12]
- Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol (2002), made for TV animated film created by DIC Entertainment. It premiered on television on Nickelodeon Sunday Movie Toons and was released on DVD and VHS shortly afterward by MGM Home Entertainment.
- A Christmas Carol: The Musical (2004), starring Kelsey Grammer. This version is unique in that Scrooge meets all three spirits in human form both before and after his night-time encounters, much as Judy Garland encounters Frank Morgan, Ray Bolger, Jack Haley, Bert Lahr and Margaret Hamilton in The Wizard of Oz.[13]
- A Sesame Street Christmas Carol (2006), a direct to DVD special featuring Oscar the Grouch in the Scrooge role.[14]
(Of all the actors who have appeared in televised versions of the story, it is possible that Basil Rathbone may hold the record, having appeared in three different productions, as well as starring in one on radio. He played Scrooge in two television productions and one radio version, and Marley's Ghost in yet another television adaptation. Meanwhile, Jerry Nelson may hold the record for playing the most diverse roles in a single version, since in The Muppet Christmas Carol he performs at least a dozen Muppet characters, including Marley (Statler), the Ghost of Christmas Present, and Tiny Tim (Robin).)
- Lionel Barrymore starred as Scrooge in a dramatization on the CBS Radio Network on December 25, 1934, beginning a tradition he would repeat on various network programs every Christmas through 1953. Only twice did he not play the role: in 1936, when his brother John Barrymore filled in because of the death of Lionel's wife, and again in 1938, when Orson Welles took the role because Barrymore had fallen ill.[15][16][17][18]
- A 1940s adaptation starring Basil Rathbone as Scrooge was subsequently issued as a 3-record set by Columbia Records.[19]
- Alec Guinness starred as Scrooge in a BBC production from 1951, also broadcast in America, and repeated for several years afterward.
- Another 1953 version, also from the BBC, starred Laurence Olivier in his only recorded performance as Scrooge. This one was issued on CD in 1992.
- Beginning in the 1980s, NPR has periodically broadcast a straightforward, faithful version read by comedian Jonathan Winters, in which he plays all the roles.
- In 1995, Quicksilver Radio Theater broadcast a dramatization directed by Jay Stern and starring Craig Wichman as "Scrooge", Anthony Cinelli, John Prave, Ghislaine Nichols, Deborah Barta, Joseph Franchini, Jodi Botelho, Elizabeth Stull and Tony Scheinman.[citation needed] The production was originally aired on Max Schmid's Radio Theater on WBAI, New York, NY on Christmas Eve 1995 and repeated Christmas Day 1995, and is currently syndicated on National Public Radio.[citation needed]
- Focus on the Family Radio Theatre adapted the story in a 1996 production hosted by David Suchet, narrated by Timothy Bateson, and with Tenniel Evans as Scrooge. This production credits Noel Langley's screenplay for the 1951 film as well as Dickens' original book.
- Paul Oakenfold's Urban Soundtracks (1999) included a remixed celebrity reading of the book, including sound effects and dance music in a version for UK dance radio stations
- WBZ Newsradio 1030 in Boston adapted the play for its radio listeners in 1999.[citation needed] It starred now-retired morning news anchor Gary LaPierre as Ebeneezer Scrooge with members of the WBZ Newsradio staff (renamed the WBZ Radio Holiday Players) in various roles, including Carl Stevens as Scrooge's nephew Fred, Deb Lawlor as the Ghost of Christmas Past and New England Patriots play-by-play announcer Gil Santos as Marley's Ghost. WBZ radio producer Michael Coleman gave the prologue and played various characters in the play. It has been broadcast on WBZ every Christmas Eve since.
- A Christmas Carol (2007), a theatrical audio version, written and directed by Arthur Yorinks from Night Kitchen Radio Theater, starring Peter Gerety, noted stage and film actor, as Scrooge. This faithful adaptation features a score by Edward Barnes and carols sung by members of the Frank Sinatra School of the Arts Concert Choir.
- In 2008, David Jason recorded a 10 part abridged reading of A Christmas Carol for BBC Radio 4's Book at Bedtime.[20]
- The Colonial Radio Theatre of Boston produced A Christmas Carol in 2004, and it has been broadcast yearly on Sirius XM Radio. It was released by Blackstone Audio in 2007. Brilliance Audio released the production on CD in 2010.
[edit] Recordings- In 1941, Ronald Colman portrayed Scrooge in a famous American Decca four-record 78-RPM album of "A Christmas Carol" with a full supporting cast of radio actors and a score by Victor Young.[21] This version proved extremely popular and was eventually transferred to LP, where it sold well into the 1960s. In 2005, it appeared on a Deutsche Grammophon compact disc, along with its companion piece on LP, Mr. Pickwick's Christmas, narrated by Charles Laughton. (The Pickwick recording had originally been made in 1944.) The Ronald Colman "A Christmas Carol" is slightly abbreviated on both the LP and the CD versions. On the LP, this was done to fit the entire production onto one side of a 12-inch 33 RPM record. With the greater time available it was hoped that the CD would have the complete recording, but Deutsche Grammophon used the shorter LP version.
- Patrick Stewart has recorded his one-man dramatic reading of the story.[24]
- Voice artist Jim Dale, heard on the unabridged recordings for the U.S. release of the Harry Potter books (for which he won two Grammy awards),[citation needed] in 2003 released an unabridged reading of "A Christmas Carol" with full characterizations of all the roles as part of the Random House Listening Library series.[25]
- Mister Scrooge (1958–1959); alternative name: Shadows (Tiene), an opera by Slovak composer Ján Cikker.
- "A Christmas Carol" (1978–1979), an opera by Thea Musgrave.[26]
[edit] Graphic Novel[edit] Parody- Blackadder's Christmas Carol (1988), in which the central character, Ebenezer Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson), is initially kind and generous, but after being visited by the Spirit of Christmas (Robbie Coltrane), becomes greedy, insulting and mean.
- I'm Sorry I Haven't a Christmas Carol (2003), a Christmas special for the BBC Radio 4 panel game I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, with central character Ebenezer Scrumph (Humphrey Lyttelton) and assistant Colin Crotchet (Colin Sell).
- An American Carol (2008), the Scrooge character is Michael Malone (Kevin Farley) which is a rightwing parody of liberal filmmaker Michael Moore. The setting of the story is moved from Christmas to Independence Day, and Malone is visited by three spirits who take him on a journey in an attempt to show him the true meaning of America. The supporting cast includes Kelsey Grammer, Jon Voight, Dennis Hopper, and Leslie Nielsen.
- Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009)
- Canadian comedy actor Don Harron recorded a version as "Charlie Farquharson" using malaprops.
- Huh-huh Humbug, by Beavis and Butthead, with Beavis as Scrooge.
[edit] Pastiches, continuations, and other usesThe basic plot of A Christmas Carol has been put to a variety of different literary and dramatic uses since Dickens' death.
- The Six Shooter, December 20, 1953, starring Jimmy Stewart as Britt Ponset in this unusual Western adaptation of Dickens' classic, featuring Howard McNear as "Eben."
- Disney's A Christmas Carol (1972) is an audio musical recording with six original musical numbers, featuring various Disney characters playing the Dickens roles. It was adapted (without the songs) into the animated short Mickey's Christmas Carol in 1983.
- An American Christmas Carol (1979), an adaptation starring Henry Winkler at the height of his fame from the television series Happy Days, where the story is set in Depression era New England, and the Scrooge character is named Benedict Slade.[27]
- Skinflint: A Country Christmas Carol (1979), an American country music inspired TV film starring Hoyt Axton as Cyrus Flint.[28]
- X-Mas Marks the Spot (1985), an episode of The Real Ghostbusters, where, on Christmas Eve, Peter Venkman, Ray Stanz, Egon Spangler, and Winston Zeddmore end up traveling back in time to England in 1837. There they unknowingly meet Scrooge and end up "busting" the Three Christmas Ghosts by accident. It is revealed that Peter's childhood was very similar to Scrooge's.
- A Jetson Christmas Carol (1985) Episode sixty-five of The Jetsons animated television series. Spacely orders George to work overtime on Christmas Eve while Astro causes himself to be sick. Three spirits visit Spacely to convince him that Christmas is a time of giving.[29]
- The Odd Couple: In the episode “Scrooge Gets an Oscar”, Felix and the other poker players become Dickens characters in a dream after Oscar refuses to be Scrooge in a children’s play.
- Ebenezer Sanford, an episode of Sanford and Son in which Fred is a Scrooge-like miser. His family and friends try to get him to join into the Christmas spirit, but he rejects the attempts. Fred falls asleep and dreams he’s in “A Christmas Carol”.[30]
- WKRP in Cincinnati: In the episode “Bah Humbug”, Mr. Carlson plans to give the staffers no Christmas bonuses. But after eating one of Johnny Fever’s "special" brownies, the ghosts of Christmas Past (Jennifer), Present (Venus) and Future (Johnny) visit him to show him the error of his ways.
- Family Ties: In the episode “A Keaton Christmas Carol”, Alex finds the spirit of Christmas in a dream when he’s shown visions of the past and future by ghosts of Mallory and Jennifer.
- The Six Million Dollar Man: In the episode “A Bionic Christmas Carol”, When Steve Austin is sent to investigate problems with an OSI project contracted out to Budge Corp., he discovers the problem is that the corporation’s owner is a cheap miser. Steve then uses his bionic powers to emulate the Dickens classic and convince Budge to change his mind.
- Alice: In the episode “Mel’s Christmas Carol”, On Christmas Eve, Mel is haunted by a former partner after he fires the waitresses.
- A Christmas Carol II (1985), an episode of the TV series George Burns Comedy Week in which it's revealed that Scrooge is good-natured to a fault, and all of Camden Town takes advantage of his generosity. Scrooge is so giving of his fortune that the townspeople end up taking all his money. This prompts the spirits to return and make sure Scrooge reaches a median between his past and current behavior. (In the second alternate future, Scrooge has been buried in a pauper's grave, under a headstone marked "Ebenoozer Screege.")[31]
- God Bless Us Every One (Methuen, 1985) by Andrew Angus Dalrymple. An Imagined Sequel to 'A Christmas Carol featuring all the major characters of the original, expanding upon the Cratchit children Tim and Belinda.
- Scrooged (1988), a remake in a contemporary setting with Bill Murray being a misanthropic TV producer who is haunted by the ghosts of Christmas. Directed by Richard Donner.
- A Little Miracle (1990) is an episode of the series Quantum Leap; the protagonist, Sam Beckett, who travels through time by leaping into the lives of others, becomes the valet of a Scrooge-like industrialist, showing the industrialist the error of his ways by reminding him of his past via photographs while taking him on a drive around his future planned development, culminating in his holographic partner from the future, Al Calavicci, showing the industrialist what will happen to him in the future as he poses as the Ghost of Christmas Future.
- The Marley Carol(1993) Christmas Play in Two Acts by Dennis Drake taking place on the Christmas Eve Jacob Marley gives up the ghost, sees The Spirit of Christmas Present battle Old Scratch for Marley's soul, helped by little Belinda Cratchit and, less wittingly, her father Bob, Scrooge's Nephew, a Punch and Judy Man, and various street urchins.
- Ebbie (1995), a TV movie that brought the first portrayal of Scrooge as a female, with Susan Lucci as Elizabeth "Ebbie" Scrooge, owner of a huge department store, and some of her own employees doubling as the three Christmas Spirits.
- Martin (1996), in the episode "Scrooge", Martin was visited by three Christmas spirits, to encourage Christmas spirit and the joy of giving to Martin.
- Ms. Scrooge (1997), a TV movie starring Cicely Tyson as "Ebenita Scrooge", managing director of a loan company, and Katherine Helmond as her deceased business partner Maude Marley.
- Ebenezer (1997), a Western version produced for Canadian TV, starring Jack Palance as Ebenezer Scrooge, a land baron.
- An All Dogs Christmas Carol (1998), animated TV movie based on All Dogs Go to Heaven and featuring the villainous Carface as this version's Scrooge analog
- Whatever Happened to Tiny Tim? by John Mortimer (New York Times Book Review, 1992). In this short story, Tim grew up to be a successful businessman and gained a knighthood, but became even more heartless than Scrooge (beginning his career by embezzling funds from Scrooge's Christmas Turkey fund, then buying Scrooge out and pensioning off his own father). On Christmas Night 1894, he is visited by both the ghosts of Scrooge and Christmas Yet-to-Come who force him to see a horrible vision of the world in 1992 in which war, crime, poverty, famine and corruption are rampant. This story was originally broadcast on BBC Radio 7 on January 1, 2003 under the title Not So Tiny Tim and was read by Richard Pasco.
- Timothy Cratchit's Christmas Carol, 1917: A Sequel to the Charles Dickens Classic (Dickens World, 1998) by Dale Powell. In this version, an elderly Tiny Tim is a wealthy immigrant living in America who experiences his own spiritual visitations on Christmas Eve.
- The Spirit of the Season, 1998, by Don Flowers; Paralleling the visitations of the three "spirits" 20 years before, Scrooge prevails on a grown-up Tim Cratchit to help to him try to reconnect with (and win freedom for) Marley's Ghost, during the pair's visits to three "spiritualists" on the last Christmas Eve of Scrooge's earthly life. Later adapted by Flowers and Fred Walton as a musical (Ebenezer Ever After) that premiered in Portland, Oregon in 2010.
- A Christmas Carol (2000), A TV-movie that takes place in the present where Ross Kemp plays Eddie Scrooge, a London loan shark. Jacob Marley (Ray Fearon) not only warns Scrooge of the three impending spirits, but doubles as The Ghost of Christmas Present.
- A Diva's Christmas Carol (2000), TV movie that premiered on VH1, now on Lifetime, portraying Vanessa Williams in the Scrooge role as "Ebony" Scrooge, one third of a late-'80's pop trio called "Desire" and now an egotistical, arrogant, grouchy solo diva.
- Marley's Ghost, (2000), by Mark Hazard Osmun: The prequel to A Christmas Carol. A novel imagining the life and afterlife of Scrooge's partner, Jacob Marley and how Marley came to arrange Scrooge's chance at redemption.
- Marley's Ghost (2003) by Jeff Goode is a stage play which is a prequel to A Christmas Carol along similar lines to the novel by Osmun.
- The Trial of Ebenezer Scrooge (Ohio State University Press, 2001) by Bruce Bueno de Mesquita. A uniquely philosophical take on the Scrooge mythology set in the afterlife with Scrooge on trial to determine if he merits entry into Paradise.
- Scrooge & Cratchit (Scrooge-and-Cratchit, 2002) by Matt McHugh. Bob Cratchit is now Scrooge's partner in business as they both face the wrath of bankers as ruthless as Scrooge in his prime. Reprinted in 2007 as The Index-Journal holiday edition insert. In print and Kindle/iPhone/ebook formats.
- Scrooge Blues was written by Nicholas McInerny and broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in December 2002 [32] and re-broadcast on BBC Radio 7 on 28 December 2010.[33] This continuation, starring David Hargreaves, takes place one year after the events of A Christmas Carol after the transformation of Ebenezer Scrooge.
- A Carol Christmas (2003), another TV movie portraying Scrooge as an arrogant female celebrity, this time as a TV star named "Carol Cartman", played by Tori Spelling, with her own talk show. Having premiered on The Hallmark Channel and currently on ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas, the movie also featured Dinah Manoff as Marla, Carol's stage-mother type aunt, and two of the three Christmas Spirits portrayed by Gary Coleman (Christmas Past) and William Shatner (Christmas Present).
- The Last Christmas of Ebenezer Scrooge: The Sequel to A Christmas Carol (Wildside Press, 2003) by Marvin Kaye. This sequel picks up right where the original left off, with Scrooge trying to right an unresolved wrong. This version was also adapted for the stage.
- Mr. Timothy (HarperCollins, 2003) by Louis Bayard. Here again is an adult Tiny Tim, only this time as a 23-year-old resident of a London brothel who becomes embroiled in a murder mystery. Mr. Timothy was included in the New York Times's list of Notable Fiction for 2003.
- The Haunting Refrain to Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" (2004 revised 2007) This short novel details the lives of the original characters, plus a few new introductions, 21 years later. It is posted exclusively to the web at his time and is out of print from its original printing run. It is available for free viewing at www.dickensworks.com
- Bah, Humduck! A Looney Tunes Christmas (2006) the second Looney Tunes adaptation; this time, it features Daffy Duck as Scrooge.
- Barbie in a Christmas Carol (2008), Barbie stars as the female version of Ebenezer Scrooge.
- Of Christmas Past is a short comic strip by Johnny Lowe and Seaward Tuthill in the literary trade paperback Iconic released in 2009 by members of the Comicbook Artists Guild. It deals with Scrooge's nephew Fred facing the decision of what to do about a criminal who murdered his wife, with the ghost of Scrooge playing the role of the three spirits to try to save him from a path of darkness.
- A Christmas Carol - Scrooge's Ghostly Tale (2006), animated.
- Nan's Christmas Carol (2009)
- I am Scrooge: A Zombie Story for Christmas is a novel by Adam Roberts (Gollancz, 2009). It deals with the aftermath of Tiny Tim's parlous health. It turns out that the child was a harbinger of an infectious virus that threatens a zombie apocalypse, and it is left to Scrooge and the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future to rectify the matter. It is scheduled to coincide with Christmas 2009.
- A Klingon Christmas Carol (written c. 2006) is an adaptation set on the Klingon homeworld of Qo'noS in the Star Trek fictional universe.[34] The play was co-written and directed by Christopher O. Kidder, and was performed from 2007–2010 by Commedia Beauregard (a Saint Paul, Minnesota theatre company),[34] and also presented in Chicago for 2010.[35]
- Doctor Who: A Christmas Carol (2010) - the 2010 Christmas special episode of Doctor Who is a science fiction story that borrows elements from the original.
- An American Country Christmas Carol (2010) a new stage country musical adaptation with a book and lyrics by Scott Logsdon and music by Rand Bishop, Kent Blazy, Roxie Dean, Tim Finn, Billy Kirsch, J. Fred Knobloch, and Pam Rose. It was presented as a staged reading at the Boiler Room Theatre in Franklin, Tennessee on December 5, 6 and 13 of 2010.[36]
- A London Carol (2010) - the sixty-fourth episode of Disney Channel Original Series The Suite Life on Deck. Cody and Bailey collect toys for poor children. When they ask London for donations, she's too selfish to give anything. On the Christmas Eve night, London's mirror takes her to the past, present and future only for her to find out that everyone will loathe her and she will be lonely.
- Christmas Cupid (2010), made-for-TV movie starring Christina Milian as the Scrooge-inspired character Sloane Spencer.
- Batman Noel (2011) A graphic novel written and illustrated by Lee Bermejo, featuring a tale with the caped crusader inspired by A Christmas Carol.
[edit] References- ^ Philip Fisher (2005). "Reviews: A Christmas Carol (Albery Theatre)". The British Theatre Guide. Retrieved 2009-02-19.
- ^ "OBSP's A Christmas Carol (2010)".
- ^ "The Pantaloons official website".
- ^ "Triad Stage's A Christmas Carol (2010)".
- ^ "Error: no
|title= specified when using {{Cite web}}". http://theater.nytimes.com/show/33171/3-Ghosts/overview.
- ^ "PiPe Dream Theatre official website".
- ^ Scrooge (1935) at the Internet Movie Database
- ^ "Tiny Tim Comes to Television", New York Times, Dec. 24, 1944, p. 35.
- ^ A Christmas Carol (1970) (TV) at the Internet Movie Database
- ^ A Christmas Carol (1977) (TV) at the Internet Movie Database
- ^ The Stingiest Man in Town at the Internet Movie Database
- ^ http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001772/awards
- ^ "A Guide to Christmas Carol Adaptations". January 16, 2010.
- ^ A Sesame Street Christmas Carol at the Internet Movie Database
- ^ "On the Air Today", The Washington Post, Dec. 25, 1934, p. 21. "Nash-LaFayette Radio Program" (advertisement), New York Times, Dec. 25, 1934, p. 32.
- ^ Lionel Collapses, But a Barrymore Acts as 'Scrooge'", The Washington Post, Dec. 26, 1936, p. X1.
- ^ "Listen! with Glyn" (advertisement), The Washington Post, Dec. 20, 1940, p. 36.
- ^ "You Don't Play Scrooge You Just Ain't Workin'", The Washington Post, Dec. 23, 1953, p. 46.
- ^ "Basil Rathbone.net/Recordings". Basilrathbone.net. 1952-03-23. Retrieved 2010-08-23.
- ^ 09:30 - 09:45 (2008-12-26). "Radio 4 Programmes - Book at Bedtime: A Christmas Carol". BBC. Retrieved 2010-08-23.
- ^ "Christmas Carol & Mr Pickwick's Christmas: Charles Dickens, Hanns Eisler, Victor Young, Ronald Colman, Charles Laughton: Music". Amazon.com. Retrieved 2010-08-23.
- ^ [1][dead link]
- ^ http://www.amazon.com/dp/B003SNKBCI
- ^ http://www.amazon.com/dp/0743563794
- ^ Dickens, Charles, and Jim Dale. A Christmas Carol. New York: Random House/Listening Library, 2003. ISBN 978-1400086030
- ^ "A Christmas Carol - Thea Musgrave, composer". Theamusgrave.com. 1981-12-16. Retrieved 2010-08-23.
- ^ An American Christmas Carol at the Internet Movie Database
- ^ Skinflint: A Country Christmas Carol at the Internet Movie Database
- ^ "A Jetson Christmas Carol " at the Internet Movie Database
- ^ "Ebenezer Sanford (#5.12)" at the Internet Movie Database
- ^ "Christmas Carol II the Sequel" at the Internet Movie Database
- ^ ""Scrooge Blues" and "Not So Tiny Tim"".
- ^ "Scrooge Blues".
- ^ a b Belkin, Douglas (2010-12-18), "BaQa'—or Is It Humbug? Aliens Attack a Holiday Classic", The Wall Street Journal (New York, NY, U.S.A.: Dow Jones & Company), OCLC 0099-9660, archived from the original on 2010-12-19, retrieved 2010-12-19, "The arc of "A Klingon Christmas Carol" follows the familiar Dickens script: An old miser is visited on a hallowed night by three ghosts who shepherd him through a voyage of self-discovery. The narrative has been rejiggered to match the Klingon world view."
- ^ Klingon Christmas Carol brought to the stage, The Telegraph, 2010-12-21, accessed 2010-12-23.
- ^ "OBSP's A Christmas Carol (2010)".
[edit] Further reading- Fred Guida, A Christmas Carol and Its Adaptations: Dickens's Story on Screen and Television, McFarland & Company, 2000. ISBN 0-786-40738-7.
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...and I am Santa Claus, Oops, Sid Harth@mysistermarilynmonroe.net
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33 Comments:
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Jay said...
- I used to love those old Mad song parodies. Thanks for the reminder and the links!12/15/2007 11:29 PM
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blunoz said...
- Funny, I can't hear "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" without thinking of my Electrical Operator from my first deployment on the 719. He used to sing all these perverted versions of Christmas carols like "Walking 'round in Women's Underwear" (to the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland"). I wonder if he got it from MAD magazine.12/16/2007 11:36 AM
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Mike said...
- I think I was 8 years old when I got the Mad Magazine Christmas Carol parodies and I can still recall some lines. My favorite was the parody to "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" a.k.a "Stick'n out their greedy little hadn" but don't remember all the words."Then will come the superintendents visit.
He will ring your doorbell loud and long.
You will open up and ask who is it.
He just smiles and sings a Christmas song.
Later on...you'll give cash up.
To the man..who picks the trash up.
How nice they're all here.
For one day a year.
Stick'n out their greedy little hand."12/17/2007 8:25 AM
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Cyndi said...
- Thanks for the lyrics. I used to have that Mad paperbook, but I guess it got lost in one of the moves. Bummer!To Mike: the first part of that song goes:
Doorbells ring, it's the season
And you know what's the reason
There's someone out there
Who's after his share
Stickin' out his greedy little hand.First to come, is the doorman
He'll complain he's a poor man
The janitor's next on some weak pretext
Stickin' out his greedy little hand.
12/21/2007 9:36 PM
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Geoff said...
- Thanks Mike - I had the first verse but couldn't remember the second. So (AFAICT) the complete "Greedy Little Hand" goes something like:Doorbells ring, it's the season
And you know what's the reason
Someone's out there, after their share
Sticking out their greedy little hand
First in line is the doorman
He'll complain he's a poorman
The janitor's next on some weak pretext
Sticking out his greedy little handThen will come the superintendents visit.
He will ring your doorbell loud and long.
You will open up and ask who is it.
He just smiles and sings a Christmas song.
Later on...you'll give cash up.
To the man..who picks the trash up.
How nice they're all here.
For one day a year.
Stick'n out their greedy little hand.
12/25/2007 3:25 AM
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Janus said...
- I remember "Wrap Your Gifts" quite well. I recently wrote about it myself. In fact, I found your site on a Google search that also led to my site.12/31/2007 8:53 AM
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Anonymous said...
- Thank you for these!! We 3 clods from ohmaha!! I so remember getting this Mad issue when I was a little kid!! It goes thru my skull every x-mas! For giggles I googled & found this!! Thanks again!!!4/27/2008 1:46 PM
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Anonymous said...
- hey...anyone remember "Passed out in the snow...In a stolen chevrolet..."6/04/2008 2:06 PM
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Anonymous said...
- How about:
"Hark the TV networks bring/Songs that do their Christmas thing"12/09/2008 6:47 PM
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Anonymous said...
- ...I meant "*shows* that do their Xmas thing"12/09/2008 6:48 PM
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Gailie said...
- "Out There On The Sidewalk" was always my favorite.12/17/2008 11:31 AM
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Anonymous said...
- What about this Christmas favorite...(to the tune of Hard the Herald Angels Sing)It hangs down from our chandlier,
we have no idea what it does.
Its shape is weird is and it drips with goo,
and lets off a high sounding buzz.It grows a couple of feet each day,
and wriggles with a kind of twitch.
We keep it 'cuz it's a present from,
a visiting uncle who's rich.
12/23/2008 7:52 AM
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Kelly R said...
- Thank you so much! The opening lines to "We Three Clods" has been going through my mind for years, and I appreciate knowing the rest of the lyrics!Sure do miss the days of the witty writing and intelligent banter we got in our MAD Magazine.12/24/2008 9:10 AM
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Anonymous said...
- Here's one of my favorites - to the tune of "Deck the Halls:"Sodden Clods Are Comin to Town"
(by Phil Hahn)You better watch out
You better not try,
Trav'ling about
I'm telling you why
Sodden clods are coming to town.
They're wrecking the bars
They're starting street fights.
They're having one of
Their naughtiest nights,
Sodden clods are coming to town.
Blithe New Years's drivers, pickled
In alcoholic brine
Will gaily bounce off walls and trees
To the strains of "Auld Lang Syne",
So,
You better stay home
And drink your own rye.
You're crazy to roam
It's obvious why,
Sodden clods are coming to town.
from the Oct. 1960 edition of Mad
2/04/2009 7:55 AM
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rsand said...
- For years I've remembered this bit from MAD Magazine sung to the tune of Jingle Bells... would love it if someone could find the actual original text!This is what I remember (and its likely wrong) from 30+ years ago. The order of the verses, actual text etc is likely wrong, but you get the jist:(Sung to Jingle Bells):
Christmas bills, Christmas bills
Piled on the floor.
Everyday the mailman came and brought a dozen more.
Oh......
Christmas bills, Christmas bills
Making me lament
I've got my back against the wall
From all those gifts I sent
Writing out the checks
All in great amounts
Sending them today
Knowing they will bounce!
Bill collectors come
Notify my boss
Now they've got my salary
My life's a total loss!
Oh......
Christmas Bills, Christmas bills
Piled on the floor.
Everyday the mailman came and brought a dozen more.
Christmas bills, Christmas bills
How the stores will swear
When they soon discover that
My bank account is bare!
(finally it ends with some verse about doing it all again next year...)
12/03/2009 3:24 PM
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Genie said...
- Here's the few I recall.Sung to the tune of: It Came Upon a Midnight ClearThis plane we boarded last evening, dear
to start on our holiday spree.
We read a book and enjoyed a meal
and saw a movie for free.
We pushed our seats back and slept 'till dawn,
then chatted togther passed noon.
It's been real fu-un, and now let's hope
that we'll be taking off soon.
Sung to the tune of: Its The Season of Christmas:
Driver's speeding, signs unheeding
down the highway they race.
You can tell it's the season of Christmas.
Wild weaving, sometimes heaving
with the cops giving chase.
And with each fatal crack-up you'll hear:
Count the toll, count the toll
The Safety Council is saying.
Please keep score, just one more
We'll break the record this year.
Sung to the tune of: Frosty the Snowman.
Harry the mailman brings us letters soaked with rain.
Jams the box so full that the mail is crushed
and then laughs when we complain.
Charlie the milkman is the biggest slob in town
Seldom leaves the quarts that we've asked him for,
when he does, they're upside-down.
Eleven months through-out the year, they're as lousy as can be.
But starting in December, they show great efficiency.
Then Charlie and Harry really show they're full of zip!
And they'll work that way every doggone day,
'till they get their Christmas tip.
Sung to the tune of: Santa Clause is Coming to Town
You better not shout,
you better not cheer.
We're going to out-do tradition this year.
Santa's wife is coming to town.
She's driving the sleigh,
she's running the trip,
she's wearing the pants and cracking the whip.
Santa's wife is coming to town.
She won't use any reindeer,
to pull the sleigh be-cause
she wants to show that she's in charge
so she's using Santa Clause.
So what will you get?
Just wait and see.
The biggest old bag you ever did see.
Santa's wife is coing to town!
12/07/2009 1:25 PM
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Genie said...
- These I only partly recall:Sung to the tune of: Hark! the Herald Angels Sing.Hark the Herald singers choke,
from the smog and fumes and smoke.
See them rub their itching eyes
while soot pours from the skies.
(can't recall the middle part)
Gasping out the first noel.
When their final song is sung,
they'll head home with one less lung.
Sung to the tune of: Let it Snow!
Oh the weather outside is cru-el.
But the workers won't bring fu-el.
Seems the pay-raise they don't like.
They're on strike, they're on strike, they're on strike!
Oh we're waiting for Santa's visit.
His sleigh is late - where is it?
Seems the reindeer won't make the hike.
They're on strike, they're on strike, they're on strike.
Sung to the tune of: Oh Christmas Tree.
Oh telephone, oh telephone,
repairmen we are ringing.
'Cause telephone,
frustration you are bringing.
We called Aunt Sue in Portland, Maine,
and get a drugstore in Fort Wayne.
Oh telephone, oh telephone,
your service we've rejected
'Cause telephone, oh telephone,
we've just been disconnected.
12/07/2009 1:26 PM
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Anonymous said...
- Genie, Thanks for posting these lyrics. It's been forty years since I first saw the "Harry & Charlie" parody and I always wondered how the first two stanzas went. I should probably get back to work. Mike12/17/2009 2:58 PM
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Anonymous said...
- This site rocks:) I, too, am haunted by the humor of the MAD christmas carols of 1977. I am so grateful to have found the lyrics. I remembered a lot of them, but this really helped fill in the blanks. MERRY CHRISTMAS!12/23/2009 8:33 PM
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Don_TerriJ said...
- I remember a partial one:If R.Kipling
had wrote "The Night Before Christmas"It was the night of the battle and all through the slaughter,
Not a creature was moving, we all needed water,
Our canteens were hung on the sand dunes with care,
In the hopes that Gunga Din would soon be there,Thats all I remember...
12/24/2009 5:04 PM
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spagooty said...
- I remember a few....one sung to the tune of Deck the Halls....Fill the bars with Christmas drinking fa la la la la la la la la
See the people getting stinking
fa la la la la la la la la
Though their brains are half corroded
fa la la, la la la, la, la, la
Still they try to drive home loaded fa la la la la, la la, la, la
See the busy intersection
fa la la la la la la la la
Here come cars from each direction
fa la la la la la la la la
See the pileup when their meeting
fa la la la la la la la la
What a novel Christmas greeting
fa la la la la la, la la, la la12/29/2009 10:40 PM
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spagooty said...
- there was another but I can't remember all the wordssung to the tune of "We Three Kings"We're the men who carry great sacks
filled with Christmas cards on our backs
Ever sending never ending till we fall in our tracks
ohh, cards for Herman cards for Sue,
cards we'd like to tear in two...
and that's where my memory fails me, maybe somebody remembers the rest of it
12/29/2009 10:52 PM
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Charles said...
- On the "Hark, The Herald Angels Sing" parody, the missing verse is "Fithy air their throats expel"Happy New Year!12/31/2009 7:19 PM
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Anonymous said...
- Sung to the tune of: Hark! the Herald Angels Sing.These, I think, are the full words:Hark the Herald singers choke,
from the smog and fumes and smoke.
See them rub their itching eyes
while soot pours from the skies.
Filthy air their throats expel,
gasping out The First Noel,
Joyful Voices cough and hack,
While freash snow is turning black.
When their final song is sung,
they'll head home with one less lung.
11/18/2010 6:22 AM
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Anonymous said...
- Oh, and the first line should be "Hark the Carol singers choke".11/18/2010 6:29 AM
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Anonymous said...
- Once there was a fill-in-the blank song to Jingle Bells. They gave you like 4 different lines to pick from for each verse. One possible line that always stuck in my head was..Snorting lines of coke, on the way to old L.A.Would have been a Mad issue in the 70s or 80s...
12/21/2010 7:07 PM
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Tania said...
- OMG...I'm so glad you posted those songs. They always get stuck in my head come Christmas time and I would wonder if anyone else remembered them. I have to forward this link to my brother. Thanks for the memories!12/23/2010 3:44 AM
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David Krider said...
- rsand,I'm glad I'm not the only one to remember "Christmas Bills". I think it ends with:Christmas bills, Christmas bills
I'll go broke and then
When next Christmas rolls around
I'll do it all again
11/21/2011 11:32 PM
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Anonymous said...
- I remember the one in the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" called "Sam and Roz are coming to town":
You better give up
On Christmas this year
You better give up with relatives here
Sam and Roz are coming to townTheir bringing their kids
To add to your fun
They're staying two weeks
You thought it was oneSam and Roz are coming to town
They'll monopolize your bathroom
They'll ruin you solitude
They'll eat you out of house and home and complain about the food
so....
There's only one way to save your noel
Give them your house and get a hotel
Sam and Roz are coming to town
11/22/2011 4:07 PM
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john said...
- These are the lyrics as I recall the "Sam and Roz" song, to the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town":Oh, you'd better give up on Christmas this year
You haven't a chance with relatives here
Sam and Roz are coming to town.They're binging their kids to add to your fun
They're staying ten days you thought it was one
Sam and Roz are coming to town.
They'll monopolize your bathroom
They'll destroy your solitude
They will eat you out of house and home
Then complain about the food
Oh, there's only one way to save your Noel
They come to your house, you take a hotel
Sam and Roz are coming to town.
11/28/2011 2:49 PM
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Mike E said...
- Re: The deck the hallsThat's the one I was just searching for. However, I recall that there's one more verse, one line of which I cannot remember.(Here's the line I can't remember)
fa la la la la, la la, la la
See the Yuletide death toll growing
fa la la la la, la la, la la
That's the fate of drunken drivers
fa la la, la la la, la la la
Sing this song to their survivors
fa la la la la, la la, la la
12/09/2011 10:05 AM
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AniJo said...
- Does anyone remember this one, to the tune of "Away in a Manger"?An eighty foot manger extends to the street,
With wise men and camels, the scene is complete,
A choir of angels in perched on a limb,
Beneath a loudspeaker that's blaring a hymn.Our roof feature Santa, with reindeer and sleigh,
While two dozen floodlights light up the display,
Although it costs thousands, we'd spend even more,
Just so we're outdoing our neighbors next door!
12/18/2011 6:05 PM
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Matt B. said...
- It's Hark the Hareld Angels Choke,
Vapors Fumes and Factory Smoke.Another good one was:Harry the milkman, was the biggest slob in town; seldom leaves the quarts that you ask him for, when he does they're upside down.
(To frosty the snowman)
And: Away in a manger upon a big limb, beneath a loud speaker that's blaring a hym.
What classics.
12/21/2011 12:38 PM
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